I keep doing things and accidentally becoming someone ✨

thoughts on habits, identity, and self-discipline

Habits

As we’re nearing the end of 2025 and going into a new year, habits are at the forefront of everyone’s mind. What habits do I want to keep? What habits do I want to get rid of? What new habits do I want to implement? How can I be consistent? What type of person do I want to be? Sitting and reflecting with all of these questions will shape how you navigate your year.

I recently listened to a khutbah (i.e. Friday sermon) and the Imam was talking about exactly this. From an Islamic perspective, consistent deeds are most beloved even if they’re small. Why? It’s because change emerges from these small consistent habits. In the khutbah, the Imam gave this analogy:

When you plant a flower seed, you can’t inundate it with water and then never water again. It’ll never grow. But if you tend to it consistently and gradually, it will eventually sprout into a beautiful flower.

Habits operate the same way – they must slowly and consistently be nurtured.

A favorite quote from Will Smith.

Habits and identity

Having habits is great but having habits shaped by who you want to be is a stronger driving force. In Atomic Habits (an amazing book by the way!), the author describes the link between your habits and identity in depth. “Your habits shape your identity because the more evidence of actions you have for a belief, the more strongly you’ll believe it.”¹ Why do people go to you for whatever they go to you for? It’s because you’ve repeatedly shown that you are this person through your actions. Figuring out what identities you want will guide what habits you want to implement in your life.

To show how this transpired for me, I’ll give a few personal examples:

1. There was a period of time in my life when my mental health wasn’t the greatest and I felt quite pessimistic. I wanted to instead shift my mindset to focus on the good and be more grateful. So, what did I do? I bought a gratitude journal and I wrote in it daily (still do!). I wanted to be a grateful person (identity), so I aligned my habits (writing in a gratitude journal) with that identity.

2. A couple of years ago, I wanted to read more because I don’t typically reach for books. Originally, I tried having a goal of reading X number of books a year but once I finished, I just stopped reading. Instead of accomplishing a specific goal, I wanted to be a reader (identity), so I aligned my habits (incorporating it into my schedule to read for at least 30 minutes weekly) with that identity.

3. The most recent example is with my Substack. My goal wasn’t to simply write and publish. I wanted to be a writer (identity), so I aligned my habits (incorporating it into my schedule to write for at least 30 minutes daily) with that identity.

Simply put, if you’re set on becoming a certain type of person, you’ll align your habits with that identity and will have better success with sticking with those habits long-term.

Habits, identity, and discipline

Once you know what type of identity you want and the habits you need to align with that, the challenging part is staying disciplined. Being disciplined is HARD but the only way to do it is to repeatedly choose commitment over convenience.

• There are times when my bed is so cozy and I don’t want to get up for Fajr prayer, but I’ll force myself to. (Getting up for Fajr prayer daily [habit] to be someone who prays [identity] even when I don’t feel like it [discipline].)

• There are times (MANY times) when I don’t want to exercise, but I’ll force myself to. (Exercising 4-5x/week [habit] to be someone who takes care of their body [identity] even when I don’t feel like it [discipline].)

• There are times when I don’t feel like filling out my gratitude journal, but I’ll force myself to. (Filling out my gratitude journal daily [habit] to be a grateful person [identity] even when I don’t feel like it [discipline].)

The beauty of discipline and forming habits is that once you’ve been doing it consistently for a long time, you don’t want to break your streak. For example, after listening to a lecture in NYC by Imam Omar Suleiman in August of 2024, I’ve been reading Surah Mulk and Sajdah EVERY SINGLE NIGHT for 15+ months now (shoutout to my accountability partner). There were plenty of days when I was tired, when I was out late and having fun, when I was traveling across time zones, when I had other responsibilities, when I forgot about it until I was just about ready to sleep, etc. But every day, I still made sure to accomplish it. After this long of a streak, you think I want to break my streak now?! NAH, because now it’s a competition with myself. You feel empowered when you keep showing up for yourself.

Do I sometimes slip in certain areas? Yes, I’m human! But eventually, I get back up because who I wanted to be didn’t change. My actions just didn’t align with my identity temporarily because of life circumstances.

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Some people ask how I have my life together. Truthfully, I don’t. I consider myself to be a disciplined person but there are still areas of my life where my actions don’t align with the identity I want to have so this is a reminder to myself too (can’t be all talk and no action 🙃). I know I can’t be disciplined in everything because life would feel too regimented, but I can pick my priorities and choose to show up for myself in those areas. So can you. Go be that person!

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Let’s converse!

1. What areas are you disciplined in and want to continue being disciplined in? (kudos to you!)

2. What areas of your life is it difficult to be disciplined in?

3. What type of person do you want to be (i.e. what do you want people to know you for)?

4. What necessary changes do you need to make for your habits to align with those identities?

Pace yourself and start off with 1-3 things to work on in 2026!

1. Clear, J. (2018). Atomic Habits. An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones. Avery (an imprint of Penguin Random House LLC).